No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Women. Show all posts
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Complete or Finished
No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words COMPLETE and FINISHED, in a way that's easy to understand.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Husbands on Sale
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Men will be men
Husband texts to wife on cell."Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."
Husband: "Bloody English Language!
_______________________________________________________________________
An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone: "Where d Hell Are You ...?"
Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)
Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!
Husband: I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop
_________________________________________________________________________
An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free. After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"
_______________________________________________________________________
Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels, Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband: what did the doc say ?
Wife:- .No chance for u to survive
Monday, August 20, 2012
Men Rules !!!!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quest's to
see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guy's fear getting
married is that married women always cut their hair, and by
then one is stuck with her.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do
not work! Just say it!
6. We don't remember dates. Mark birthday's and anniversaries on
a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
7. Most guy's own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with your dress?
8. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
9. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
Doctor.
12. Check your oil! Please.
13. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
refuse to answer.
15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
16. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
17. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
18. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
we.
19. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea
what 'Mauve' is.
20. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
21. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about
you.
22. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth the hassle.
23. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
24. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
25. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or
monster trucks.
26. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
27. No you really do have too many clothes and shoes.
28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
29. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
31. Thank you for reading this ; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind
that, it's like camping.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quest's to
see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guy's fear getting
married is that married women always cut their hair, and by
then one is stuck with her.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do
not work! Just say it!
6. We don't remember dates. Mark birthday's and anniversaries on
a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
7. Most guy's own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with your dress?
8. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
9. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
Doctor.
12. Check your oil! Please.
13. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
refuse to answer.
15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
16. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
17. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
18. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
we.
19. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. We have no idea
what 'Mauve' is.
20. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
21. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about
you.
22. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just
not worth the hassle.
23. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
24. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
25. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as the shotgun formation, or
monster trucks.
26. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
27. No you really do have too many clothes and shoes.
28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
29. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
31. Thank you for reading this ; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind
that, it's like camping.
Women at various ages...
What's the difference between women at ages of 8, 18, 28, 38 and 48???
At 08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed
At 28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed
At 08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed
At 28 - You don't need to tell her any story and take her to bed
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed
C++ Females / Women
C++ Females
struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
};
struct beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
};
struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};
struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};
struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
};
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Top Six Reasons Why Computers Are Women
The Top Six Reasons Why Computers Are Women
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to
everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why
I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck
on accessories for it.
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to
everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why
I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck
on accessories for it.
Different Types of Woman
Different types Of Women
______________________
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
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