Little Johnny Bounce Back

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new  development."

At the end of the class,  the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies,  I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say  something dirty and that is why I am asking you  all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything
that appears rude, to get up and leave the class  room"

Everybody agreed to this plan.

Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with  their assignment? Go ahead Anita"

Anita:"Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk."

Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Koosie!"

Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and  this permits him to work near home"

Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks : "Oh heavens, tell me Johnny  what new development is being built near your home."

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building  a brothel"

As all the young ladies get up and  proceed to leave, Little Johnny says,"Hey relax  you little whores, it hasnt opened yet!"

School Boy....

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having  trouble with one of her students.                             

The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the  third-grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think  I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.

While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher  explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Ms  Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his  questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.

She agreed.    

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed  to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"    
Boy: "9".    
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.

The principal looks at Ms Neelam  and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?"
The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment "Legs."

Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,

Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie  me down to get me  up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me  when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The  Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well,  I drip. When you  blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates.  I come with a  quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in  'K' that means lot  of heat and excitement?Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in  'K' & if u dont  get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's  longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife  after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots  of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making  love ?
Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to  the teacher,"Send this Boy to Delhi University, I got the last  ten questions  wrong myself!

Little Johnny Strikes - 1

In a classroom of third graders, the teacher says to the kids, "Today class, we will be telling stories that have a moral to them." 

She explained what a moral to a story was and asked for volunteers.  Little Suzie raises her hand.

Suzie: " I live on a farm and we have a chicken that laid 12 eggs, we were excited to have 12 more chickens but only 6 of them hatched."
Teacher: "That's a good story, now what is the moral?"
Suzie: " Don't count your chickens before they are hatched."
Teacher: "Very good Suzie, anyone else?"

Ralphie: "Yes teacher, I was carrying some eggs I bought for my mom in my bicycle basket one day and I  
               crashed my bike and all the eggs broke."
Teacher: "That's a nice story, what is the moral?"
Ralphie: "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
Teacher: "Very good Ralphie, anyone else?" 

Little Johnny: "Yes teacher, my Aunt Karen is in the army and when she was in the Gulf War, she parachuted 
                      down with only a gun, 20 bullets, a knife, and a six-pack of beer. On her way down, she drank the 
                      six pack. When she landed, she shot 20 Iraqis and killed ten of them with her knife." 
Teacher: "Very interesting, Johnny, what is the moral to your story?"
Little Johnny: "Don't F**k with Aunt Karen when she's drunk."