A quick guide for Venusians...

• Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.
• Guys hate flirts.
• A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.
• When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is.
• "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.
• Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
• When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.
• Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
• Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
• Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.
• When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.
• Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!
• Don't provoke(irritate) the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.
• Guys can never dream and hope too much.
• Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.
• When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
• Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh…never mind!"
• would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.
• Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.
• Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
• When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.
• When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
• You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.
• Guys hate gays!
• Guys love their moms.
• A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.
• A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her.
• You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
• If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
• Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.
• Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
• Guys are very open about themselves.
• It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.
• No guy is bad when he is courting.
• Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
• Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.
• Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
• If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
• A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
• A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.
• Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.
• Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.
• Guys virtually brag about anything.
• Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
• Guys think too much.
• Guys' fantasies are unlimited.
• Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight does!
• Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!
• When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.
• It's not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they've been together for 3 years or more.
• You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.
• A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be matured and grow up.
• When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.
• Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.
• Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.
• When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.
• When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.
• When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying,"Please come and listen to me"
• Guys don't really have final decisions.
• When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.
• If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.
• If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.
• Guys believe that there's no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.
• Guys like femininity not feebleness.
• Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
• A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.
• A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.
• Guys love girls who can cook or bake.
• Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!
• A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
• A guy's friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.
• Don't be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.
• Don't be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you'll be surprised.
• Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.
• Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.
• Guys don't comprehend the statement "Get lost" too well.
• Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.
• When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.
• Guys don't care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.
• Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them,they'll realize they're wrong.
• Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He's just too stubborn to deal with it.
• Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.
• Guys' weakest point is at the knee.
• When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.
• When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.
• When a guy looks at you, either he's amazed of you or he's criticizing you.
• When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance,give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance,ignore him.
• If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.
• If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at u and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you're with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.
• Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
• You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!
• If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.
• When a guy says he can't sleep if he doesn't hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.
• You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.
• Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.
• Girls are allowed to touch boys' things. Not their hair!
• If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
• Guys hate girls who overreact.
• Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

C++ Females / Women

C++ Females

struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
};

struct beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
};

struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};

struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};

struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
};

Top Six Reasons Why Computers Are Women

The Top Six Reasons Why Computers Are Women  

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to  
   everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why  
   I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck 
   on accessories for it. 

Different Types of Woman

Different types Of Women

______________________

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off. 

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful. 

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything. 

Little Johnny Bounce Back

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new  development."

At the end of the class,  the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies,  I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say  something dirty and that is why I am asking you  all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything
that appears rude, to get up and leave the class  room"

Everybody agreed to this plan.

Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with  their assignment? Go ahead Anita"

Anita:"Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk."

Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Koosie!"

Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and  this permits him to work near home"

Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks : "Oh heavens, tell me Johnny  what new development is being built near your home."

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building  a brothel"

As all the young ladies get up and  proceed to leave, Little Johnny says,"Hey relax  you little whores, it hasnt opened yet!"

North Indian Girl Vs South Indian girl

North Indian Girl Vs South Indian Girl

******WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE*********** 

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age. 
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry. 

4. The only! dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic 
cholestrol or chronic gas disorder. 
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill. 
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair. 
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself. 
8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her. 9. She always thought that ! Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you. 10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "walk out" 11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.

******WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE*********** 

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras / Anna University . 2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..." 
3. She shudders if you use four letter words. 4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.) 
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative. 

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower. 
7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra) 
8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself. 
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras eat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet. 10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive. 

11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth. 12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation') 13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie. 
14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based  on. 
15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of  it .. 
16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers. 
17. She is more educated than you. 
18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you..