Showing posts with label Doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doctor. Show all posts

Monday, August 20, 2012

Doctor's Advise


A woman who had the worst chronic headache goes to a famous "new age" holistic doctor, as a last resort.
"Doctor, I have tried everything, but my headache just won't go away." 
"You have come to the right place.  This is what I want you to do: go home, stare at yourself in the mirror, point your index fingers at your temples, and repeat this  mantra: "I really don't have a headache, I really don't have a headache".  Do it as long as it takes, the headache is just going to vanish."

As she leaves the doctor's office, skeptical but curious at the same time, she tries the maneuver in front of the mirror in the elevator.  Fingers pointed at her temples, she starts repeating "I really don't have a headache, I really don't have a headache..."

She has barely said it four times, when she realizes her headache is gone.

Shocked and elated, she runs back up to the doctor.

"Doctor, you are a genius!  Can I please send you my husband?  He's been having problems in a certain department... how can I put it... "
"When was the last time you two had sex?"
"About eight years ago."
"Send him over."

A few days later, she is waiting with baited breath for her husband to come home from the doctor.

He arrives, asks her to wait, and goes straight to the bathroom. When he comes out, he throws her on the couch and starts making love to her, wildly. When he's finished, he goes right back to the bathroom. A few minutes later he comes out, rouses her from her bliss and starts at it again, like an insatiable young man. After another hour of great sex he goes and locks himself in the bathroom again.

At this point the wife has become unbearably curious.  She tiptoes to the bathroom door, looks through the keyhole, and sees her husband, staring at himself in the mirror, fingers pointed at his temples, repeating:

"That woman is not my wife, that woman is not my wife......"



Saturday, August 18, 2012

Few Definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that  everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:  A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!