Mother vs Mother-in-law

Mother vs Mother-in-law

Husband: Mom called me and said she is coming tomorrow. Her train will reach by morning 4'O Clock.

Wife: What!!! She came just 4 months back only, right?. Why is she coming now again..?. Tomorrow is sunday. I thought of getting up late but your mom had to come on a sunday itself and that too morning 4'O Clock. Where will she get an auto at that time?. I will not make any warm breakfast...she will have to do with biscuits and bread. The kids will also not go to play as she spoils them by getting chocolates, toffees and pastries for them. How many days is she going to stay..????

Husband: Not my mom, your mom is coming!!!!

Things to Ponder - Funny

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? (My Favorite - half cent :-)) )

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.

and finally...


If a 911 dispatcher had a heart attack, whom does
he/she call?

C++ Females / Women

C++ Females

struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
};

struct beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
};

struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};

struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};

struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
};

Love Letter from HR Manager

Hi!  Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love  letter to his girlfriend ???

To,

Juliet

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

                    I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October(Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.Our love affairwould be on probation for a period of three months and depending oncompatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performanceappraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

                    The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

                   I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter,failing which, this offer would be  cancelled without further notice and Ishall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo
HR Manager

Few Definitions

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that  everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office:  A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!

Funny Pictures - 3