Intelligence

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. 

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. 

He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. 

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. 

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate." 

Why are Call Centre guys paid so much ??

1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me hat you have done up until
this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Boss Kidnapped - What to do?

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.Some are in loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee,
they ask, "What's going on?"

Lost Wife !!!!!

A man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:
Man: I lost my wife (misty)

Inspector: What is her height
Man: I never noticed

Laws of Life

1) Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone
2) Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch
3) Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner
4) Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire
5) Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings
6) Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with
7) Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will
8) Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach
9) Theatre Rule: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last
10) Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold
11) Law of Proposal : After you accept a proposal you will get a better one!!!

Thoughts from Man's heart

Thought 1

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.  
What do women want to be liberated from?  

Impact of Job Change

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

Asking for Salary Raise

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

 
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $ood

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the world may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.


Yours truly,

A to Z of Stress Management

1.    Always take time for yourself, at least 30 minutes per day.

2.    Be aware of your own stress meter: Know when to step back and cool down.

3.    Concentrate on controlling your own situation, without controlling everybody else.

4.    Daily exercise will burn off the stress chemicals.

5.    Eat lots of fresh fruit, veggies, bread and water, give your body the best for it to perform at its best.

6.    Forgive others, don't hold grudges and be tolerant -- not everyone is as capable as you.

7.    Gain perspective on things, how important is the issue?

8.    Hugs, kisses and laughter: Have fun and don't be afraid to share your feelings with others.

9.    Identify stressors and plan to deal with them better next time.

10. Judge your own performance realistically; don't set goals out of your own reach.

11. Keep a positive attitude, your outlook will influence outcomes and the way others treat you

.

12. Limit alcohol, drugs and other stimulants, they affect your perception and behavior.

13. Manage money well, seek advice and save at least 10 per cent of what you earn.

14. No is a word you need to learn to use without feeling guilty.

15. Outdoor activities by yourself, or with friends and family, can be a great way to relax.

16. Play your favorite music rather than watching television.

17. Quit smoking: It is stressing your body daily, not to mention killing you too.

18. Relationships: Nurture and enjoy them, learn to listen more and talk less.

19. Sleep well, with a firm mattress and a supportive pillow; don't overheat yourself and allow plenty of ventilation.

20. Treat yourself once a week with a massage, dinner out, the movies: Moderation is the key.

21. Understand things from the other person's point of view.

22. Verify information from the source before exploding.

23. Worry less, it really does not get things completed better or quicker.

24. Xpress: Make a regular retreat to your favorite space, make holidays part of your yearly plan and budget.

25. Yearly goal setting: Plan what you want to achieve based on your priorities in your career, relationships, etc.

26. Zest for life: Each day is a gift, smile and be thankful that you are a part of the bigger picture. 

Me and My Boss

ME and My BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

IT Industry Learnings

As a part of the IT Industry, everybody has learned a few things. Here is a list of things that I have compiled that I have learnt.